‡ — Write.as

Listening to Fiona Apple – Tidal on repeat

Reading Plato – Phaedo

Wishing we were spending time together talking

a wave of emotions

a calm storm

washes me ashore

out of water I can’t breathe

i want to speak to you but you’re unreachable

books that have made a profound impression on me

and I would like to share with you:

Tolstoy, Anna Karenina John Steinbeck, East of Eden William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five José Saramago, Death with Interruptions Al Berto, O Medo Sylvia Plath, Ariel Henry Thoreau, Walden & Civil Disobedience Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass William Shakespeare, Sonnets Bernardo Soares, The Book of Disquiet Homer, Odyssey The Hermetica Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism Is a Humanism Albert Camus, The Stranger Plato, The Republic Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or Rudolf Rocker, Anarcho-Syndicalism Fernando Pessoa, The Anarchistic Banker Ted Kaczynski, Industrial Society and Its Future Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving A. S. Neill, Summerhill

Every morning, I awoke with hope, To find you in the spaces we shared: Your room, the attic, the forest behind our house, The terrace, within your wardrobe, amidst the smell of your clothes. Even now, I continue my search Of you in the faces of others, Seeking glimpses of you in everyone I meet.

part of a poem, self-released booklet 2024

In recent weeks, my mind has been preoccupied with the racial tensions unfolding in England, leaving me with a persistent sense of hitting a dead end. I refuse to accept that humanity is destined to repeat its mistakes—endless cycles of power abuse. Fascism feels more present now than it did in my youth. Inequality strips people momentarily of their moral compass, reducing life to a matter of survival. It’s far too easy to blame individuals rather than the governing bodies at fault because fighting against these powers feels almost hopeless. We are often left powerless against political regimes that dictate how we live, how much we earn, and how many hours we work.

It occurred to me that now is the time to reflect on how we want to live in the future. We must consider how to use technological tools to benefit us, to help us progress, and to bring us together. We need unity, not division.

I've always aligned myself with anarchism, but I no longer find the answers to my questions there. It all feels outdated. While anarchism and direct democracy have their merits, it's time to think outside the box. We need something new.

I once read a manifesto called “Upwingers.” While I didn't agree with everything in it, one idea resonated with me: the path forward is neither left nor right- it is Up. We cannot continue to follow the same patterns of the past because our planet simply cannot sustain them any longer. The political structure is too corrupt, driven by the pursuit of power and wealth. Even within an anarchistic society, these patterns would likely repeat. The answer is no longer left or right but forward.

trying to make sense of the nonsense learning to listen instead of speaking, to the ocean waves when sleeping